Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

I have been on the new meds for almost three weeks. I haven't really noticed much of a difference. Perhaps I am coping with life a bit better, but there certainly hasn't been a dramatic improvement. The new medication is not an SSRI. It's called Zyban, or Bupropion is its actual name. It is a NDRI. My Google research was not extensive, other than that most reviews were relatively positive. My doctor said that it is relatively quicker to work than the SSRI medications. Yet, my improvement is minimal and could also be due to where I am in my menstrual cycle. I suppose I will keep taking it and see how things progress. Happy to report that I have had very minor side effects. Flushing and nausea the first day or two. If I don't do much in the first hour of taking my medication, I notice a weird prickly head flush. It's really nothing to worry about. Last year I went from one SSRI to another, from bad to worse each time. Prozac was awful, induced heart palpitations and r

Tomorrow I start my new meds. With much trepidation. But I know I can't function at a reasonable capacity in my current state. I also know that new medication could also set me back. Perhaps months. A year even.  If things go bad and I don't post an update. I may be very sick. Maybe I'll be dead.  This blog means so much to me. It's the most creative and meaningful outlet I have had for myself, along with my Instagram account, for a very long time.  Writing honest thoughts and feelings about life and my universe while navigating my way through a mental breakdown. It has been one of the bravest things I have done. Sending it all out to the internet. Scattering thoughts through time and space, like wishing upon a dandelion in the wind. I wish for a simple life. That feels beautiful.