Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

Today is New Year's Eve 2019. I have reflected a considerable amount about the year. Especially in the last couple of months leading up to the end of 2019. This year without doubt has personally been the worst year of my life. It sounds dramatic, but I lost my mind this year and I spiralled into a traumatic loop of panic attacks, anxiety, depression and all consuming suicidal thoughts. Any sense of self I had was stripped way and for months I was just surviving one moment at a time. Trying to find sense in it all for my children, my partner, my family...my self. I feel like I have lived 5 years in this one year. The person who was about to welcome in 2019 a year ago, is not the same person I am today. She just doesn't exist anymore and this person today writing this, is still finding her feet. I am thankful to be able to write it all down, a testimony of a mountain climbed. My own personal mind Mt Everest. I am thankful that I have been able to use my blog as a therapy of sorts

Blogger shouldn't have a view count per blog post in the settings. It's not like anyone is reading my nonsense anymore but me. But I'm what matters I suppose. Thank you Obi-wan Blog-nobi, you are in fact my only hope. Well probably not, but you're a help.  Anyway, it is that time of year again where I question if God or the universe manifests about 25% more humans and cars. The silly season indeed. The shopping ramps up, there seems to be all these extra people everywhere and extra cars on the road. And everyone is impatient and expressing their inner jerk. Just yesterday at the pharmacy a guy reversed out of the very small carpark all the while hanging out his car window yelling obscenities at a fellow motorist. I am not sure what it was all about, but my initial thoughts were, "Ahh the sounds of Christmas jerkery." We're in for a couple more weeks of it. And then it will turn into New Year jerkery, and back to school jerkery. But nothing quite measures u