Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

In March I began writing this post and then gave up. I have become a bit disillusioned by my blog. What exactly is the point of writing random stuff about my life if it just sits here on the internet in stasis?  I wanted to revisit this story in perhaps a way to have a discussion about worth and value and how shame impacts and distorts these important aspects of our lives and sense of self. So back in March this happened... Last month I withdrew money from an ATM. Well I intended to. I remember going to the ATM, putting my card in, pressing buttons to get the amount out that I required and the machine done its thing. Spat out my card and receipt. And away I went. I later went to my purse to count up the cash needed for rent day and realised I was $40 short. "What the heck? Where did $40 go?" And then it dawned on me. I didn't actually remember taking the cash from the ATM. I remember getting my card and the receipt and walking away. I walked away from an ATM that had di