Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

" Still round the corner there may wait A new road or a secret gate And though I oft have passed them by A day will come at last when I Shall take the hidden paths that run West of the Moon, East of the Sun." J.R.R. Tolkien I came across this quote by Tolkien when I was trying to think of a caption for this photo I took of a gate at my local park. I like taking photos. I have an Instagram account that is my creative outlet. Photos are quick and simple, which fits well into my not so simple life. I usually try to think up some whimsical nonsense to caption my photos, but this particular instance, I decided to search for a quote by someone else. And I came across Tolkien. Sometimes we stumble across things when we most need them. I do feel like a new road or gate is just around the corner, but perhaps unknowingly I'm wandering past such gates and roads everyday. Not realising that they may lead me to new adventures, maybe magic and just maybe finding some happiness and peac

I want to die. I feel alone. I'm exhausted. Disconnected. I found out this week that my sister has restricted me on Facebook. I think she did it quite awhile ago. It should not matter. Social media is bullshit. But it hurts. She saved me in 2019. When I was going to kill myself. When I wasn't in my right mind. I don't know what I did. Did I hurt her? Say something wrong? She's my only sister. I don't know who to call or what to do. I've been contemplating ways to kill myself for a few weeks. I just want to escape my life. It's relentless. A discussion with my partner turned into an argument. Things are unfair. He always says he will try harder to help and take some of the life load off me. It barely changes. He got angry at me for saying that. And he has gone to bed now. While I cry and wonder whether I should go for a walk or a drive and not come back. I need to talk and he shut down. My psychiatrist took me off a medication this week. She thinks it's w