Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

This past week has been challenging. My psychiatrist had trialed me on a new med a few weeks ago for my anxiety. "Anxiety, depression or manic episodes...what's the worst at the moment?", she asked me.  "Anxiety. Definitely the anxiety", I said. So off to the pharmacy for a prescription of Clonidine, otherwise known as Catapres. For two weeks I was on it, with little effect other than drowsiness. I texted my psychiatrist to let her know. "How about we try something different. What about an SSRI?", she says. My brain on red alert is ringing alarm bells. I messaged her back reminding her that I don't tolerate them so well. "What if a try Valdoxan? I tolerated that okay," I say. "It's doesn't do much for anxiety," she says. "How about we try Efexor?"  And that is where my week started. I lasted three days, before I pulled the plug. Intense jaw pain, along with ear pain . Unable to eat, nausea, dizziness. The jaw p

I'm unwell with Covid. Four of the children have Covid and are all recovering well. The youngest has been very hard work. She bounced back rather quickly from Covid and only has residual effects. Me on the other hand, I am struggling. I was already exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally, before Covid decided to take residence in my body. I'm fatigued, lethargic. Short of breath. I'm grief stricken. It's Mother's Day here in Australia today. It feels wrong that Mum is not here. I would have spent some time with her today at the nursing home. Probably see my Dad and my brother too. Instead I'm home with Covid and I feel like I'm dying. I've barely been able to truly rest during the day. Laying down, yes. But when a 5 year old wants to play, eat and bounce, there's not much peace in that. The older children have done their best to help, but they are both getting over Covid too. It's also my parents wedding anniversary today. They never made