Skip to main content

Stay Safe

Last week was tough. After the previous week of feeling well, the wheels fell off my rickety mental health cart and landed in the ditch of despair...again. It seems a common theme of my life for the past three months. The mental health rollercoaster aptly titled Depths of Despair. I am probably being a bit melodramatic, but I have a front row seat to my nervous breakdown. Starring me, directed by my broken mind. I sometimes worry some folks may accuse me of attention seeking by compiling a blog of my struggles, if you are here and think that, I ask you to kindly exit stage left, this is not the blog for you. I really started writing to vent and make some sense of what has been happening to my brain. A seeker of answers, assembling the puzzle pieces, locating and cataloging my marbles back into the box. Maybe my ramblings will help someone else, I hope they do, but the rambling helps me and I need all the help I can get at the moment.
So last week I tried a new medication. Ah medication, you double edged sword you. Let's just say after some unpleasant physical side effects involving lots of toilet trips and an unnerving, overwhelming impulse to make friends with a bus at high speed, new medication was not for me. Everyone wants a pill to make them better, well maybe not, but I would like a pill to help me get better. I am still working on finding the right fit.
Last week was rough and on a particularly bad day when life was timed by how many minutes and hours I could get through, I grabbed a pen and scrawled the words "Stay Safe" on my hand. You see this particular phrase has significance other than the practical reminder. Each morning when I drop my children off at school, my number four child Master F, goes through a long winded goodbye that goes something like this -
         Master F: Bye Mum
         Me: Bye mate
         Master F: Have good day Mum
         Me: You have a good day too
         Master F: I hope you get me             
         something today
         Me: I will see what I can do
         Master F: Stay Safe Mum
         Me: Stay Safe mate

So this little catch phrase that has been a part of our morning goodbye ritual for as long as I can remember, it has now become a daily reminder to my broken brain. Stay safe today. Stay safe this minute, this second, this hour. Stay safe for me. Stay safe for them. Stay safe for Master F, so he can tell me to stay safe again tomorrow. And all will be good in the world. Eventually all will be good in my brain too. But until then, whatever it takes, just stay safe. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Rain Wizard

Life is a cause for disillusionment at the moment. I was going to write a post about all the disillusioned things when I realised I had a draft post waiting in the wings from a few weeks ago. So here it is... The weather has been dreary drizzle where I live. It's also the final stretch of school holidays, so I am a slightly bit battle fatigued from all the children being home. Yesterday I went for a walk in the rain to get milk. I needed the walk and milk was in short supply in the fridge. We run out of milk and bread at a rapid pace when everyone is home. Walking always gives me breathing and thinking space. It also gives me opportunities to take photos which I put on Instagram, my visual gratitude diary. Or "life isn't so bad if you can find beauty in mundane things" diary. While  walking in the drizzle, I was reminded of when I was a kid and use to stand outside the front of my childhood home when it was raining. Not pouring rain, but the dreary, cold drizzle. It w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Deconstructing Memories

I reflect a lot on where I have come from, past experiences, friends, relationships, family, the time I accidentally threw out the most epic story I wrote in year 3. I was convinced it was going to be a best seller, it was about this off the wall family that moves house and you get to follow along on all the ensuing hilarity. I thought it was awesome. I once sent a story I wrote about toothpaste that makes this kid invisible to a children's book publisher. I got a knock back. I was 11 years old and a bit devastated. I loved writing stories as a kid, my teachers thought I was quite a good writer and most encouraged my creative writing. So a dream to become an author was seeded inside a young girls mind. I would live in an apartment and get a cat, and write fantasy, adventure and a tad bit humorous novels. Kind of like Kathleen Turner's character Joan Wilder in the movie Romancing the Stone (one of my most favourite films by the way), except I wouldn't write romance novels. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Remember Who You Are

Hello my name is Léyanie and 5 weeks ago I was suicidal. Worse than that even, I was panicking and suicidal. And I completely felt unhinged from reality. I wasn't technically psychotic. I had insight into my behaviour and my thinking being terribly wrong and frightening, and uncharacteristic of myself, but I was terrified that I could have easily tipped over to the psychotic and done something dreadful to myself. I required immediate assistance and intervention, I was resigned to the fact that I was probably going to be hospitalized, but I am lucky to have a great doctor and she prescribed medication that helped and I spent a week with my Dad. My family dropped their lives to support me as best they could. My sister was key in that intervention, bundling me up and taking me to my doctor and then dropping me off at Dad's. She checked in everyday with me, as did my great friends, and I am so very thankful for that. What you may not know about this story is that prior to my breakd...
1 comment
Read more