Dandelion Wishes

Tomorrow I start my new meds. With much trepidation. But I know I can't function at a reasonable capacity in my current state. I also know that new medication could also set me back. Perhaps months. A year even.

If things go bad and I don't post an update. I may be very sick. Maybe I'll be dead.

This blog means so much to me. It's the most creative and meaningful outlet I have had for myself, along with my Instagram account, for a very long time.

Writing honest thoughts and feelings about life and my universe while navigating my way through a mental breakdown. It has been one of the bravest things I have done. Sending it all out to the internet. Scattering thoughts through time and space, like wishing upon a dandelion in the wind. I wish for a simple life. That feels beautiful.

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Deconstructing Memories

I reflect a lot on where I have come from, past experiences, friends, relationships, family, the time I accidentally threw out the most epic story I wrote in year 3. I was convinced it was going to be a best seller, it was about this off the wall family that moves house and you get to follow along on all the ensuing hilarity. I thought it was awesome. I once sent a story I wrote about toothpaste that makes this kid invisible to a children's book publisher. I got a knock back. I was 11 years old and a bit devastated. I loved writing stories as a kid, my teachers thought I was quite a good writer and most encouraged my creative writing. So a dream to become an author was seeded inside a young girls mind. I would live in an apartment and get a cat, and write fantasy, adventure and a tad bit humorous novels. Kind of like Kathleen Turner's character Joan Wilder in the movie Romancing the Stone (one of my most favourite films by the way), except I wouldn't write romance novels. ...

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* Spoiler Alert : I mention moments in the movie Marriage Story. Not sure if spoilers as such, but thought it courteous to let you know Today I crashed. Well not catastrophically, but there were tears and slight panic. Obviously I am needing to retreat from the world. I am not sure if it was just the rug got pulled out from under me all of a sudden for whatever reason, perhaps my period tapering off contributed, which is likely. I also forgot to take my evening dose of medication until 4am this morning. Add it all up, it was a perfect storm for a down day. I didn't quite feel like myself all day, my partner took the day off work and I have just been quietly processing my emotions and reflecting on the mountain climbed and the bit left to go. There seems to always be a bit more to go. Though when I think about it, there is something that has been on my mind, other than my mental incapacity. Last night I watched Marriage Story. It is a movie that follows a couple through their d...

Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

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