Skip to main content

Stay Safe

Last week was tough. After the previous week of feeling well, the wheels fell off my rickety mental health cart and landed in the ditch of despair...again. It seems a common theme of my life for the past three months. The mental health rollercoaster aptly titled Depths of Despair. I am probably being a bit melodramatic, but I have a front row seat to my nervous breakdown. Starring me, directed by my broken mind. I sometimes worry some folks may accuse me of attention seeking by compiling a blog of my struggles, if you are here and think that, I ask you to kindly exit stage left, this is not the blog for you. I really started writing to vent and make some sense of what has been happening to my brain. A seeker of answers, assembling the puzzle pieces, locating and cataloging my marbles back into the box. Maybe my ramblings will help someone else, I hope they do, but the rambling helps me and I need all the help I can get at the moment.
So last week I tried a new medication. Ah medication, you double edged sword you. Let's just say after some unpleasant physical side effects involving lots of toilet trips and an unnerving, overwhelming impulse to make friends with a bus at high speed, new medication was not for me. Everyone wants a pill to make them better, well maybe not, but I would like a pill to help me get better. I am still working on finding the right fit.
Last week was rough and on a particularly bad day when life was timed by how many minutes and hours I could get through, I grabbed a pen and scrawled the words "Stay Safe" on my hand. You see this particular phrase has significance other than the practical reminder. Each morning when I drop my children off at school, my number four child Master F, goes through a long winded goodbye that goes something like this -
         Master F: Bye Mum
         Me: Bye mate
         Master F: Have good day Mum
         Me: You have a good day too
         Master F: I hope you get me             
         something today
         Me: I will see what I can do
         Master F: Stay Safe Mum
         Me: Stay Safe mate

So this little catch phrase that has been a part of our morning goodbye ritual for as long as I can remember, it has now become a daily reminder to my broken brain. Stay safe today. Stay safe this minute, this second, this hour. Stay safe for me. Stay safe for them. Stay safe for Master F, so he can tell me to stay safe again tomorrow. And all will be good in the world. Eventually all will be good in my brain too. But until then, whatever it takes, just stay safe. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stockpiles of Sadness

Desperately lonely is a place I find myself in a lot lately. Stable and functional. Yet disconnected, discontent, and dissatisfied with my life. Depressed, sad and lonely. If I told my psychologist I felt desperately lonely, her response would probably be something like, "Well that's very strong, dramatic and emotive language..." and then proceed to navigate me to more positive waters. Yet when I hear her response, I interpret it as 'let's tone it down a bit and look at the situation with some pragmatism'. I have never been particularly adept at approaching my emotions with pragmatism, is anyone really though? Even though I have managed to appear stoic and contained in the face of adversity and some very sad circumstances life has thrown my way. It didn't mean I felt the emotions of those circumstances to a lesser degree. In fact I think trying to contain everything, meant all those emotions and feelings concentrated and each time something significantly c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Meaningful Nonsense

I am currently trying to finish listening to Jordan B Peterson's 12 Rules for Life. I started listening to the audiobook about 12 months ago and gave up as I found it a bit tedious to listen to. I don't know if it his voice or the constant to-ing and fro-ing between the rule or the point and the mythological, religious anecdotes and stories. And I understand that it is all relevant to the subject matter and the rules he is formulating, but it's all a bit long-winded. I have six kids, life is hectic, my brain frequently screams "Get to the point!", while listening to the book. I have been watching his lectures online and I think what is lacking in the audiobook, or what is not conveyed rather, is the passion of his convictions and ability to enter the magical state of flow in his process. This seems stultified in the structure of the book format, which is a shame, because he is a captivating speaker, who has propelled some radical commonsense thinking to the masse...
Post a Comment
Read more

Chance Encounters

Last week I put my script in at the pharmacy for my "keep Fred in his box" medication. When I went to the counter to pick them up, the man at the counter handed them to me and asked why I was taking them, "There's a few things you can take that for is all", he said. I resisted the urge to blurt out that my brain is broken and that it is an anti-Fred, and just explained it was being used as an antidepressant. He went on to ask if I would be interested in some supplements that could help. "Yeah sure, why not", I said. I figured what could it hurt. He writes down the supplements on a piece of paper, but also walks me through some of the ones available at the pharmacy. The list was for vitamin B, vitamin D, flaxseed oil and probiotics. He also let me know about a book that he recommends and a group that runs seminar type sessions on depression and brain health, among other things. I was very grateful, "Thanks for helping me out. I think I was close t...
2 comments
Read more