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Stay Safe

Last week was tough. After the previous week of feeling well, the wheels fell off my rickety mental health cart and landed in the ditch of despair...again. It seems a common theme of my life for the past three months. The mental health rollercoaster aptly titled Depths of Despair. I am probably being a bit melodramatic, but I have a front row seat to my nervous breakdown. Starring me, directed by my broken mind. I sometimes worry some folks may accuse me of attention seeking by compiling a blog of my struggles, if you are here and think that, I ask you to kindly exit stage left, this is not the blog for you. I really started writing to vent and make some sense of what has been happening to my brain. A seeker of answers, assembling the puzzle pieces, locating and cataloging my marbles back into the box. Maybe my ramblings will help someone else, I hope they do, but the rambling helps me and I need all the help I can get at the moment.
So last week I tried a new medication. Ah medication, you double edged sword you. Let's just say after some unpleasant physical side effects involving lots of toilet trips and an unnerving, overwhelming impulse to make friends with a bus at high speed, new medication was not for me. Everyone wants a pill to make them better, well maybe not, but I would like a pill to help me get better. I am still working on finding the right fit.
Last week was rough and on a particularly bad day when life was timed by how many minutes and hours I could get through, I grabbed a pen and scrawled the words "Stay Safe" on my hand. You see this particular phrase has significance other than the practical reminder. Each morning when I drop my children off at school, my number four child Master F, goes through a long winded goodbye that goes something like this -
         Master F: Bye Mum
         Me: Bye mate
         Master F: Have good day Mum
         Me: You have a good day too
         Master F: I hope you get me             
         something today
         Me: I will see what I can do
         Master F: Stay Safe Mum
         Me: Stay Safe mate

So this little catch phrase that has been a part of our morning goodbye ritual for as long as I can remember, it has now become a daily reminder to my broken brain. Stay safe today. Stay safe this minute, this second, this hour. Stay safe for me. Stay safe for them. Stay safe for Master F, so he can tell me to stay safe again tomorrow. And all will be good in the world. Eventually all will be good in my brain too. But until then, whatever it takes, just stay safe. 



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