There's Something Here....

Hello blog, longtime no see. Let's agree now that I am a terrible blogger and I have left you here languishing in limbo for the better part of a decade. Poor sad, lonely blog. I can relate to that, and the languishing in limbo for a better part of a decade. Sorry blog. Facebook has been my only friend, but it doesn't provide me with half as much rant, vent, poetic rambling opportunities as you do. Plus anyone who happens by you in your current state, either stumbled here when they took a wrong turn on the search engine of the interwebs or they are someone who actually knows me and is here because I waved the link to you on Facebook. So with a healthy degree of hesitation and trepidation and as self conscious as you and I may be, this is very much my "Help me Obi-wan Blog-nobi, you're my only hope" moment. Time will tell if it helps or I get inundated with trolls and shut the whole operation down. Either way, thanks for lingering on the back burner for so long blog. I am surprised Google still kept you on life support so long.
So welcome to anyone that has made it thus far. This is my blog. I called it Life, the Universe and the Melancholic quite awhile ago, but then I didn't know what to do with it. I unpublished 90 or so posts about weight loss and pregnancy stuff, because some of it is irrelevant to my current circumstances and frankly most was cringe worthy fluff. Though the Farewell Terry Pratchett post was okay. A thanks for all the books moment. Nope, not re-publishing that, sorry Mr Pratchett, I am sure you're having a great time on the Discworld somewhere. Probably in the library. Or on an adventure with Rincewind or having a curry with Death. Anyway, I digress. My Instagram account takes the same name as my blog, if you are interested in random photos of my life. I am sure there is a link somewhere here, maybe click on the picture of my hand that says "Find Your Peace", I think that takes you to my Instagram page. I am still trying to get the hang of all this so if it doesn't work send me a message and I'll get the monkeys on to it (the monkeys are just me), and they will attempt to fix it.
Okay, if you got this far, you're really committed and blog and I are silently screaming and wetting our pants, because we have no idea where to take this. We both know I am an over sharer, so this could get awkward and messy. I may inadvertently offend or perhaps make you laugh, either way you won't die reading my blog, unless you die laughing, but you would die happy, so all is good with the world right?

And so it begins...

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Crash and Burn

Imagine your walking along a path and then all of a sudden a flash flood furiously catches you off guard and any sense of that path you were walking is now indistinguishable. There is just a raging torrent of dark water propelling you to who knows where. That's a little bit what my panic episodes are like. And when you're amongst that swirling, angry torrent, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that, your environment for the most part is the same. The path is still there, the familiar surroundings are unchanged and when that panic flash flood subsides, those foundations of your life will most likely still be there. It just feels like they're not when all of a sudden your main objective is to keep your head above black, panic water and find something tangible to grasp on to. The relative stability I had been having over the month of June, in spite of all the ridiculous amount of appointments and box ticking monotony, came to a crashing end the last weekend of the month. J...

Chance Encounters

Last week I put my script in at the pharmacy for my "keep Fred in his box" medication. When I went to the counter to pick them up, the man at the counter handed them to me and asked why I was taking them, "There's a few things you can take that for is all", he said. I resisted the urge to blurt out that my brain is broken and that it is an anti-Fred, and just explained it was being used as an antidepressant. He went on to ask if I would be interested in some supplements that could help. "Yeah sure, why not", I said. I figured what could it hurt. He writes down the supplements on a piece of paper, but also walks me through some of the ones available at the pharmacy. The list was for vitamin B, vitamin D, flaxseed oil and probiotics. He also let me know about a book that he recommends and a group that runs seminar type sessions on depression and brain health, among other things. I was very grateful, "Thanks for helping me out. I think I was close t...

Remember Who You Are

Hello my name is Léyanie and 5 weeks ago I was suicidal. Worse than that even, I was panicking and suicidal. And I completely felt unhinged from reality. I wasn't technically psychotic. I had insight into my behaviour and my thinking being terribly wrong and frightening, and uncharacteristic of myself, but I was terrified that I could have easily tipped over to the psychotic and done something dreadful to myself. I required immediate assistance and intervention, I was resigned to the fact that I was probably going to be hospitalized, but I am lucky to have a great doctor and she prescribed medication that helped and I spent a week with my Dad. My family dropped their lives to support me as best they could. My sister was key in that intervention, bundling me up and taking me to my doctor and then dropping me off at Dad's. She checked in everyday with me, as did my great friends, and I am so very thankful for that. What you may not know about this story is that prior to my breakd...

Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

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