Life, the Universe and the Melancholic

Last week was tough. After the previous week of feeling well, the wheels fell off my rickety mental health cart and landed in the ditch of despair...again. It seems a common theme of my life for the past three months. The mental health rollercoaster aptly titled Depths of Despair. I am probably being a bit melodramatic, but I have a front row seat to my nervous breakdown. Starring me, directed by my broken mind. I sometimes worry some folks may accuse me of attention seeking by compiling a blog of my struggles, if you are here and think that, I ask you to kindly exit stage left, this is not the blog for you. I really started writing to vent and make some sense of what has been happening to my brain. A seeker of answers, assembling the puzzle pieces, locating and cataloging my marbles back into the box. Maybe my ramblings will help someone else, I hope they do, but the rambling helps me and I need all the help I can get at the moment. So last week I tried a new medication. Ah medicati...

Hello my name is Léyanie and 5 weeks ago I was suicidal. Worse than that even, I was panicking and suicidal. And I completely felt unhinged from reality. I wasn't technically psychotic. I had insight into my behaviour and my thinking being terribly wrong and frightening, and uncharacteristic of myself, but I was terrified that I could have easily tipped over to the psychotic and done something dreadful to myself. I required immediate assistance and intervention, I was resigned to the fact that I was probably going to be hospitalized, but I am lucky to have a great doctor and she prescribed medication that helped and I spent a week with my Dad. My family dropped their lives to support me as best they could. My sister was key in that intervention, bundling me up and taking me to my doctor and then dropping me off at Dad's. She checked in everyday with me, as did my great friends, and I am so very thankful for that. What you may not know about this story is that prior to my breakd...